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Monday, 11 May 2009

Surviving Aisleyne

Remember Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace? Nope? Big Brother, ages ago, big tits, three-inch thick lip-gloss ...Still nothing?

Well hold your breath because the 'star' is set to infect our screens once again. ‘Playing herself’, once again. Some desperate TV production company have shelled out the 5 English pence needed to secure the rights to adapt her preposterous autobiography into television. Christ help us. At least Kerry loses it every hour or so and invites us to enjoy. This chick is emptier than a Darius Danesh gig. Her book is called Aisleyne: Surviving guns, gangs and glamour - 'surviving glamour'??? More like symbolising glamour (in the page 3 sense of the word) by getting her baps out at every possible occasion and for every possible lad's mag photo-shoot.

Now, 'surviving guns' - that's more like it. Can I suggest that the producers focus more on that element of her tome and we get to watch this pointless screen invader being stalked across the moors of Scotland by a posse of expert marksmen, each bound by the format to discharge at least one magazine an episode. If Aisleyne survives (highly unlikely) then she's moved directly to the favelas of Brazil where she must dress up in the colours of the area’s rival gang and...Survive.
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