9 x very blonde, very shallow spoilt princesses
9 x overly pumped, gym-junkie misogynist males (preferably closeted homosexuals)
A handfull of fresh blackberrys
Staggeringly OTT 'how the hell can they afford that'-type houses in the Hollywood hills - to taste
Ditto luxury motors with obligatory blacked-out windows - to taste
A bunch of stupid hair
500g of magazine offices desperate for exposure (for a crunchy topping of exploitative 'internships')
4 tonnes of brand-placement accessories
A scattering of low intelligence
3/4oz world-view that the only thing that exists in the world is 'Jordan breaking up with Lauren / Spencer being mean to Heidi / Whitney stealing Lauren's man is, like, totally mean'
Instructions:
Chuck all ingredients together and leave. Intervene only to shit-stir about relationships. Do not allow conversations or footage of anything else to encroach. If it does, quickly skim off the surface and discard.
Stir slowly and leave to simmer.
When at least half of the cast have entered rehab / been arrested for drink-driving / developed serious eating disorders / run home to mummy and daddy it is ready.
