IT ENDS TONIGHT>>>>>>> 20:48

It started as a social experiment – real people, living real lives with real cameras following their every move.

But the ‘experiment’ taught us little that we didn’t already know...

That people will do pretty much anything to have masses of other people know their name - that people would go to ever more humiliating and amoral lengths to win their fifteen minutes - and that ‘reality’ on television bears little reflection to the reality of our daily lives.

And out of this other reality came a whole new industry.

One that churned out ‘celebrities’ by the dozen, shifted magazines and launched a thousand lurid headlines. One that encouraged us to scrutinize, criticize and chastise strangers in the spotlight.

2000 years ago they put preening warriors in arenas with Lions and whooped and hollered as they were torn apart.

These days we put preening prima-donnas onto television screens and whoop and holler as they are torn apart.

But this industry is a hungry beast. And we are an insatiable audience.

Soon an argument wasn’t enough. Soon sex and sham relationships were not enough. Not even the mentally ill were spared the glare of the media circus.

The crowds kept braying… the channels kept chasing the ratings... the producers kept amping the drama - a sick puppy chasing it's tail, spinning ever faster, out of control, desperate for the next quick reality fix.

Countless ‘creatives’ are paid to scheme up ever more shocking scenarios and countless nobodies are queuing up to endure them, sold the lie that fame or even infamy can change your life.

------------

So where will it end?

Come on! It ends with blood. It ends with sacrifice. It ends tonight.
Tonight Kian Oduya died – but not before lifting the curtain on the puppetry that pushed it all to this point.

Five were cracked…only one was killed …the first, and I hope, last to die before your eyes.

The ultimate sacrifice to drag this horrible entertainment to it’s inevitable finale…

Tonight Kian Oduya died for all of your sins – the great martyr of Reality TV.

The one who surrendered himself to liberate you – Yes indeed, it ends tonight.

You’ve finally seen it – you’ve got what you’ve been waiting all this time for.

Summer’s dead.

Now Get Back To Reality.

WARNING: Reality TV Is Seriously Bad For Your Health 17:55

I like to think of what I am doing here as a kind of public service. A kind of cautionary tale for all you would-be reality show contestants. Don't do it kids...it seriously screws you up.

But, like lambs to the slaughter, they never learn. Let's look at the genre's most recent offering, Who Killed Summer...

They say: "I'm strong. What you see is what you get with me. I have nothing to hide"

I say: "Crap!"

Jude - Stomped around blowing a permanent wolf-whistle to anything in a skirt. Bored everyone to tears with tales of his sexual prowess with the ladies. Ranted endlessly about his unique sexual charisma that, apparently, the girls could no more resist than Pete Doherty can the crack pipe....

But, you have been hiding something, haven't you Jude? Seems the ladies don't stand a chance...

Emma - I'm strong, I don't care what people think of me, I can take whatever the press will throw at me when I'm more famous than God, for being famous.

But, that's not true is it Emma? You do have something to hide. You are terrified if the truth about your past comes out that it'll shatter any image you have spent so long carefully building

Kian - I'm a good person. I'm bright and honest and true. I am not easily led and I have nothing to hide. I will show them all that the spotlight of reality TV doesn't always expose dirt and shame. What have I got to be ashamed of??? Wrong!

And then they say: "I'm strong. I play it as I want to. I can't be played with and manipulated by some dumb show - I'm made of stronger stuff...I have standards, morals, I wouldn't do something I didn't really want to because of being on the show"

I say: "Crap!"

Tete - So clean and sober, so proud. So strong in your new skin. You simply took part in this to show both yourself and the world that you were no longer the hopeless junky rock-star kid cliche, didn't you? You didn't need drugs in your life? And nothing or no one would change that, would it?Wrong!

Claire - So chaste. So pure. Such a fine moral compass. I'm a virgin and proud of it. Sex is about love and commitment in the eyes of God, isn't it? I wear my 'promise ring' to show the world that I am proud of these values.

And no dumb reality show would possible manipulate me into changing this. No 'silly little blog', no harshly worded critique from a stranger could possibly embarrass me to go against all that I hold dear and stand for, could it? Hmm.

And then there's Dieter... a hero to all. A true hero, right? RIGHT? Well, we'll see about that - watch this space...

Puppets - the lot of them. As they all are. As anyone stupid enough to want to expose themselves day and night to complete strangers is. And they all deserve exactly what they get.

Let me spell this out... 13:40

Because maybe, just maybe things aren't clear enough.

Hi I'm Claire. I'm a virgin. I'm going to ram this fact down your throats for eight weeks. But i'm weak. I'm desperate. And I'm only wearing this ring because without it I am nothing... charmless, bland, boring. No one.

Cutting room floored 14:35

Now then, here's a thought.

Heaven forbid, but just imagine if BTR happened to come across some unseen footage from that particular day...Stuff that didn't make it into the actual episode...outtakes...the odd mislaid tape...left on a train, or something...

IF, such an impossible thing did happen, the conversation might have continued like this:

Emma: God she's so F###### sensitive. She can't take any critisism. It's like she thinks she better than you.

Kian: "Yeah, I know what you mean. And she is soooo boring. I can't remember having a single interesting conversation with her the whole trip.

Emma: And she leaches onto me like a bloody, um, leach. Every time I turn around, there she is.

Jude: Her boyfriend must be some kind of a nutter. What's he doing waiting all this long for God Squad? It's not exactly first prize is it!

All laugh.

But, as I say, that's just how it might have gone, if such a tape existed.

Even her so called friends hate her 14:25

{claire and so called 'friend'}

---Celebrity status alert! Genius irony alert! BTR has been featured in an episode of WKS - Look mum I'm on the telly!!!!---

It was my gentle observations of Claire that made the cut - the last episode when she runs off blubbing. Oh Claire, Claire, Claire. The little kingFISHER. So sensitive to the critisism. So fragile.

Well tough titty sweet-pea. BTR accepts zero responsibility for telling it exactly like it is when it comes to the plastic people who actually take part in these shows. No siree.

The show is now becoming increasingly hysterical to watch - Emma is doing everything in her power to ditch Claire! But she just won't take the hint.

As far as I can tell, the only winner of Claire being on the show is her boyfriend. At least he gets some peace and quiet from her sexless whinings for a few weeks.

But seriously, is Claire-bear exuding some rank smell or something? Because her bus-buddies are anything but her buddies. In the epsiode we see Kian stumble across my humble blog, Claire gets a glimpse and storms off in proper tears. Didn't see Emma, Jude or Kian exactly falling over themselves to go and comfort her. Instead they had a bit of a giggle:

Emma: (Laughing - comparing C to Silke Kauffman) "It looks like her doesn't it?!"
Miaow.

Is this the most boring Reality Show contestant ever? 19:02

It’s been standard knockoff fare from the start – sub Big Brother shit featuring a merry band of whining prima-donnas desperate for their moment in the sun.

However up until now at least reality producers have bothered to make an effort when they cast their future z listers. This time around, it looks like they knocked off at 3 to go to the pub, leaving some idiot researcher to OK contestant number 6.

“Ladies and gentlemen….Claire!”

Jesus – the most empty, charisma free waste of space ever to grace a so called ‘entertainment show’.

At least the other two girls on the WKS coach are camera friendly – the hot blonde, and the hot brunette. You can see what the producers were thinking – them two are category A gossip mag fodder – but Claire… Claire??

What does she offer?

“I love pop music! “ “Jonathon is the one!” “Look at my promise band!”

SHUT UP! Not only is she blessed with a dress that’d make your gran cringe she’s like an entertainment black hole – her goody goody mummy’s girl act sucking any fun, enthusiasm or joy into an infinite point of dull.

You can just see the guys on the bus glazing over every time she comes into view, in fact I think I speak for the entire male population when I congratulate Jonathon (who sounds like a giant tool anyway) for slipping that ring on her finger.

Promise Ring? The only promise Jonathon wants from Claire is to keep her bag lady clothes on. Having said that, should Claire really push the boat out and actually have more than two drinks, the sight of her naked should be contraception enough…