IT ENDS TONIGHT>>>>>>> 20:48

It started as a social experiment – real people, living real lives with real cameras following their every move.

But the ‘experiment’ taught us little that we didn’t already know...

That people will do pretty much anything to have masses of other people know their name - that people would go to ever more humiliating and amoral lengths to win their fifteen minutes - and that ‘reality’ on television bears little reflection to the reality of our daily lives.

And out of this other reality came a whole new industry.

One that churned out ‘celebrities’ by the dozen, shifted magazines and launched a thousand lurid headlines. One that encouraged us to scrutinize, criticize and chastise strangers in the spotlight.

2000 years ago they put preening warriors in arenas with Lions and whooped and hollered as they were torn apart.

These days we put preening prima-donnas onto television screens and whoop and holler as they are torn apart.

But this industry is a hungry beast. And we are an insatiable audience.

Soon an argument wasn’t enough. Soon sex and sham relationships were not enough. Not even the mentally ill were spared the glare of the media circus.

The crowds kept braying… the channels kept chasing the ratings... the producers kept amping the drama - a sick puppy chasing it's tail, spinning ever faster, out of control, desperate for the next quick reality fix.

Countless ‘creatives’ are paid to scheme up ever more shocking scenarios and countless nobodies are queuing up to endure them, sold the lie that fame or even infamy can change your life.

------------

So where will it end?

Come on! It ends with blood. It ends with sacrifice. It ends tonight.
Tonight Kian Oduya died – but not before lifting the curtain on the puppetry that pushed it all to this point.

Five were cracked…only one was killed …the first, and I hope, last to die before your eyes.

The ultimate sacrifice to drag this horrible entertainment to it’s inevitable finale…

Tonight Kian Oduya died for all of your sins – the great martyr of Reality TV.

The one who surrendered himself to liberate you – Yes indeed, it ends tonight.

You’ve finally seen it – you’ve got what you’ve been waiting all this time for.

Summer’s dead.

Now Get Back To Reality.

WARNING: Reality TV Is Seriously Bad For Your Health 17:55

I like to think of what I am doing here as a kind of public service. A kind of cautionary tale for all you would-be reality show contestants. Don't do it kids...it seriously screws you up.

But, like lambs to the slaughter, they never learn. Let's look at the genre's most recent offering, Who Killed Summer...

They say: "I'm strong. What you see is what you get with me. I have nothing to hide"

I say: "Crap!"

Jude - Stomped around blowing a permanent wolf-whistle to anything in a skirt. Bored everyone to tears with tales of his sexual prowess with the ladies. Ranted endlessly about his unique sexual charisma that, apparently, the girls could no more resist than Pete Doherty can the crack pipe....

But, you have been hiding something, haven't you Jude? Seems the ladies don't stand a chance...

Emma - I'm strong, I don't care what people think of me, I can take whatever the press will throw at me when I'm more famous than God, for being famous.

But, that's not true is it Emma? You do have something to hide. You are terrified if the truth about your past comes out that it'll shatter any image you have spent so long carefully building

Kian - I'm a good person. I'm bright and honest and true. I am not easily led and I have nothing to hide. I will show them all that the spotlight of reality TV doesn't always expose dirt and shame. What have I got to be ashamed of??? Wrong!

And then they say: "I'm strong. I play it as I want to. I can't be played with and manipulated by some dumb show - I'm made of stronger stuff...I have standards, morals, I wouldn't do something I didn't really want to because of being on the show"

I say: "Crap!"

Tete - So clean and sober, so proud. So strong in your new skin. You simply took part in this to show both yourself and the world that you were no longer the hopeless junky rock-star kid cliche, didn't you? You didn't need drugs in your life? And nothing or no one would change that, would it?Wrong!

Claire - So chaste. So pure. Such a fine moral compass. I'm a virgin and proud of it. Sex is about love and commitment in the eyes of God, isn't it? I wear my 'promise ring' to show the world that I am proud of these values.

And no dumb reality show would possible manipulate me into changing this. No 'silly little blog', no harshly worded critique from a stranger could possibly embarrass me to go against all that I hold dear and stand for, could it? Hmm.

And then there's Dieter... a hero to all. A true hero, right? RIGHT? Well, we'll see about that - watch this space...

Puppets - the lot of them. As they all are. As anyone stupid enough to want to expose themselves day and night to complete strangers is. And they all deserve exactly what they get.

Looks like someone didn't just kill summer... 10:01

Kian Oduya should be in prison. Back To Reality has come into exclusive possession of some disturbingly incriminating evidence that shows what appears to be a straight-up confession by Kian over a hit and run incident two years ago.


According to Kian, he was driving back from a party in the early hours of the morning, hit a pedestrian and...drove off.

"I've lived with this for the last two years", moans killer-Kian, without a trace of regret.




This 'confession' happened a few weeks back on the WKS bus and was, unknown to Kian, caught by the bus cameras (hello you fool - this is a reality show...the cameras are rolling!) It was never broadcast and the producers believed the tape has been erased. But, dear readers, as you will have gathered by now, David Hampton is better than any hack when it comes to digging out the truth.


When Dieter, understandably, urged cold-blooded Kian to go to the police, the coward replied:
"Hit and run? they'll lock me away - five years minimum..."


Well sir, you better get used to it - BTR takes a pretty dim view of this sort of thing.

Though i'm sure now I've done the right thing the relevant authorities will be in touch...

Only happy to help.


It's nice to be nice you know - your caring friend David.

BTR gets starring role 22:28

Back to this summer's most bizarre reality effort, Who Killed Summer. Contestants here are using this blog as it's sick note, it's excuse to teacher. Not one episode goes past when this lot don't obssess about what's posted here? What can we say - glad to be of service.

In today's episode, loathsome wannabe reality hero Kian rallies his raggle taggle troupe into mutiny - telling the producers to basically piss off and that the six of them will be doing one for a few days! I have to admit - reality TV GOLD! The contestants demand a weekend break??!! And get one! Genius.

He pretends to be reading from everyone's favourite blog, yours truly, blagging that we've been leaked information and written about the conflict, with mystic meg-like accuracy.

There's no denying it - our little posts about their banal, vacant goings on have certainly put the wind up them - it's like watching a bunch of students descend into a bad trip - paranoia flying around like a cloud of bats. They are convinced that one of the production crew are feeding me a steady stream of pics and secret footage, all less than flattering, juicy stuff. Which, of course, I can neither confirm or deny.

This is quite a nice new feeling - directly influencing these gormless puppets myself - BTR produces WKS...this I like..

Even her so called friends hate her 14:25

{claire and so called 'friend'}

---Celebrity status alert! Genius irony alert! BTR has been featured in an episode of WKS - Look mum I'm on the telly!!!!---

It was my gentle observations of Claire that made the cut - the last episode when she runs off blubbing. Oh Claire, Claire, Claire. The little kingFISHER. So sensitive to the critisism. So fragile.

Well tough titty sweet-pea. BTR accepts zero responsibility for telling it exactly like it is when it comes to the plastic people who actually take part in these shows. No siree.

The show is now becoming increasingly hysterical to watch - Emma is doing everything in her power to ditch Claire! But she just won't take the hint.

As far as I can tell, the only winner of Claire being on the show is her boyfriend. At least he gets some peace and quiet from her sexless whinings for a few weeks.

But seriously, is Claire-bear exuding some rank smell or something? Because her bus-buddies are anything but her buddies. In the epsiode we see Kian stumble across my humble blog, Claire gets a glimpse and storms off in proper tears. Didn't see Emma, Jude or Kian exactly falling over themselves to go and comfort her. Instead they had a bit of a giggle:

Emma: (Laughing - comparing C to Silke Kauffman) "It looks like her doesn't it?!"
Miaow.