I Need A Hero! 11:38

I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night!

He’s gotta be strong!

And he’s gotta be fast!

And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight!

I need a hero!

I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the morning light!

He’s gotta be sure!

And it’s gotta be soon!

And he’s gotta be larger than life!

Love that song...

So Dieter, will you be my hero?

The man really is incredible.

He's aced practically every task thrown at him on WKS.

He's totally bagged 'the girl', sweeping hot-tot Emma off her feet and into his bed. And, like the Oracle, he dispenses sage advice to his fellow contestants, all of which look to him like the wise Gladiator he is.

I've got to hand it to him. As reality plebs go, Dieter breaks the mold.

He's not in this for 'the fame'; he's not hiding a closet-full of secrets that he, stupidly, thinks won't be outed...paraded in front of gossip hungry audiences; and he's certainly not like his fellow puppets, sorry contestants, that are as easy to manipulate as silly putty.

Nope, he's the real deal - a true 'what you see is what you get', 100% prime-beef, all man...HERO

...Isn't he????

Looks like someone didn't just kill summer... 10:01

Kian Oduya should be in prison. Back To Reality has come into exclusive possession of some disturbingly incriminating evidence that shows what appears to be a straight-up confession by Kian over a hit and run incident two years ago.


According to Kian, he was driving back from a party in the early hours of the morning, hit a pedestrian and...drove off.

"I've lived with this for the last two years", moans killer-Kian, without a trace of regret.




This 'confession' happened a few weeks back on the WKS bus and was, unknown to Kian, caught by the bus cameras (hello you fool - this is a reality show...the cameras are rolling!) It was never broadcast and the producers believed the tape has been erased. But, dear readers, as you will have gathered by now, David Hampton is better than any hack when it comes to digging out the truth.


When Dieter, understandably, urged cold-blooded Kian to go to the police, the coward replied:
"Hit and run? they'll lock me away - five years minimum..."


Well sir, you better get used to it - BTR takes a pretty dim view of this sort of thing.

Though i'm sure now I've done the right thing the relevant authorities will be in touch...

Only happy to help.


It's nice to be nice you know - your caring friend David.

Britain's Got... The Walmsleys 15:35

Jack Walmsley, 45 - "Our friends think we're crackpots".

When even your friends think you're totally mental, does that not give you a clue to how deranged you are?

Yes this is the sad story of the Walmsley family, who have decided that what the world definitely needs is a 24/7 live stream of their mundane and pointless lives.

The fact that they look like the bastard spawn of Sloth from the Goonies makes this an even more hideous proposition.

There's not even a clever idea behind it - if you're going to attempt some sub-big brother rip off at least make an effort.

Next time Walmsley's stick to radio. Or preferably contraception.

It's not my fault 09:05

Observing the long queue of high flying TV-types, that's formed over this last week, all lining up to proclaim their innocence over Susan Boyle's meltdown is akin to the Nazi war-crime tribunals, no? 'It's not our fault'...'they made me do it'...'we had no reason to psych test her'...'we just thought she was eccentric' = "BGT is an elaborate smokescreen for the continuation of eugenics and the obliteration of all that are weak or unstable in our society"

line em up!

Mine's a Cinzano, Get Me Out of Here! 10:55

Gazza's signed up for I'm A Celebrity.

The show's an Medieval-style visit 'to see the lunatics' at the best of times, but this takes the amaretto biscuit. How long before his thirst gets the better of him and we see the first 'escape from the jungle'? Bets please.

Still, it's nice to see he's learned his lesson after seeing the pain and anguish his utterly tedious, self-obsessed drinking has brought to his family via a documentary earlier this year. Nice to see he's reflected and taken a fierce moral inventory. Nice to see how he realises how, for some people like himself, booze really is something to be avoided - certainly not glamorised...