IT ENDS TONIGHT>>>>>>> 20:48

It started as a social experiment – real people, living real lives with real cameras following their every move.

But the ‘experiment’ taught us little that we didn’t already know...

That people will do pretty much anything to have masses of other people know their name - that people would go to ever more humiliating and amoral lengths to win their fifteen minutes - and that ‘reality’ on television bears little reflection to the reality of our daily lives.

And out of this other reality came a whole new industry.

One that churned out ‘celebrities’ by the dozen, shifted magazines and launched a thousand lurid headlines. One that encouraged us to scrutinize, criticize and chastise strangers in the spotlight.

2000 years ago they put preening warriors in arenas with Lions and whooped and hollered as they were torn apart.

These days we put preening prima-donnas onto television screens and whoop and holler as they are torn apart.

But this industry is a hungry beast. And we are an insatiable audience.

Soon an argument wasn’t enough. Soon sex and sham relationships were not enough. Not even the mentally ill were spared the glare of the media circus.

The crowds kept braying… the channels kept chasing the ratings... the producers kept amping the drama - a sick puppy chasing it's tail, spinning ever faster, out of control, desperate for the next quick reality fix.

Countless ‘creatives’ are paid to scheme up ever more shocking scenarios and countless nobodies are queuing up to endure them, sold the lie that fame or even infamy can change your life.

------------

So where will it end?

Come on! It ends with blood. It ends with sacrifice. It ends tonight.
Tonight Kian Oduya died – but not before lifting the curtain on the puppetry that pushed it all to this point.

Five were cracked…only one was killed …the first, and I hope, last to die before your eyes.

The ultimate sacrifice to drag this horrible entertainment to it’s inevitable finale…

Tonight Kian Oduya died for all of your sins – the great martyr of Reality TV.

The one who surrendered himself to liberate you – Yes indeed, it ends tonight.

You’ve finally seen it – you’ve got what you’ve been waiting all this time for.

Summer’s dead.

Now Get Back To Reality.

WARNING: Reality TV Is Seriously Bad For Your Health 17:55

I like to think of what I am doing here as a kind of public service. A kind of cautionary tale for all you would-be reality show contestants. Don't do it kids...it seriously screws you up.

But, like lambs to the slaughter, they never learn. Let's look at the genre's most recent offering, Who Killed Summer...

They say: "I'm strong. What you see is what you get with me. I have nothing to hide"

I say: "Crap!"

Jude - Stomped around blowing a permanent wolf-whistle to anything in a skirt. Bored everyone to tears with tales of his sexual prowess with the ladies. Ranted endlessly about his unique sexual charisma that, apparently, the girls could no more resist than Pete Doherty can the crack pipe....

But, you have been hiding something, haven't you Jude? Seems the ladies don't stand a chance...

Emma - I'm strong, I don't care what people think of me, I can take whatever the press will throw at me when I'm more famous than God, for being famous.

But, that's not true is it Emma? You do have something to hide. You are terrified if the truth about your past comes out that it'll shatter any image you have spent so long carefully building

Kian - I'm a good person. I'm bright and honest and true. I am not easily led and I have nothing to hide. I will show them all that the spotlight of reality TV doesn't always expose dirt and shame. What have I got to be ashamed of??? Wrong!

And then they say: "I'm strong. I play it as I want to. I can't be played with and manipulated by some dumb show - I'm made of stronger stuff...I have standards, morals, I wouldn't do something I didn't really want to because of being on the show"

I say: "Crap!"

Tete - So clean and sober, so proud. So strong in your new skin. You simply took part in this to show both yourself and the world that you were no longer the hopeless junky rock-star kid cliche, didn't you? You didn't need drugs in your life? And nothing or no one would change that, would it?Wrong!

Claire - So chaste. So pure. Such a fine moral compass. I'm a virgin and proud of it. Sex is about love and commitment in the eyes of God, isn't it? I wear my 'promise ring' to show the world that I am proud of these values.

And no dumb reality show would possible manipulate me into changing this. No 'silly little blog', no harshly worded critique from a stranger could possibly embarrass me to go against all that I hold dear and stand for, could it? Hmm.

And then there's Dieter... a hero to all. A true hero, right? RIGHT? Well, we'll see about that - watch this space...

Puppets - the lot of them. As they all are. As anyone stupid enough to want to expose themselves day and night to complete strangers is. And they all deserve exactly what they get.

I Need A Hero! 11:38

I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night!

He’s gotta be strong!

And he’s gotta be fast!

And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight!

I need a hero!

I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the morning light!

He’s gotta be sure!

And it’s gotta be soon!

And he’s gotta be larger than life!

Love that song...

So Dieter, will you be my hero?

The man really is incredible.

He's aced practically every task thrown at him on WKS.

He's totally bagged 'the girl', sweeping hot-tot Emma off her feet and into his bed. And, like the Oracle, he dispenses sage advice to his fellow contestants, all of which look to him like the wise Gladiator he is.

I've got to hand it to him. As reality plebs go, Dieter breaks the mold.

He's not in this for 'the fame'; he's not hiding a closet-full of secrets that he, stupidly, thinks won't be outed...paraded in front of gossip hungry audiences; and he's certainly not like his fellow puppets, sorry contestants, that are as easy to manipulate as silly putty.

Nope, he's the real deal - a true 'what you see is what you get', 100% prime-beef, all man...HERO

...Isn't he????

Ladies man or little lady??? 19:31

Who would have thought that self-styled 'clunge-magnet', Jude Jasper, was actually more 'Judy Garland' than 'Hey Jude'???

Well, they say that those that protest too much have the most to hide, don't they? And throughout this series Jude has protested quite a bit...

So ladies, sorry to shatter your fantasies of a night spent rolling around on expensive hotel sheets with this pocket-sized pop prince, but the truth is out - Jude is Gay. He prefers the scent of a man. He likes to keep with his own...as these pictures irrefutably show:

Suddenly it all makes sense: his near melt-down at 'touching' Liam Gallagher; his heart-felt odes to the 'genius' of Kele Okereke of Bloc Party; his pedantic obsession with his clothes; and the sure giveaway - the constant 'chase me, chase me' mincing around fellow WKS contestant Dieter 'the body' Dahl (the love that dare not breathe it's name????)

But Jude - c'mon, this is 2009. You want to be in the entertainment business. Who gives a shit? No one, little man, but you. After all, it hasn't done Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Michael Stipe, Elton John, Lou Reed, Morrissey, to name but a few, any harm harm...

You'll see in time. David Hampton is just looking out for you. You'll thank me in the long run...

As always, glad to be of help. x

Looks like someone didn't just kill summer... 10:01

Kian Oduya should be in prison. Back To Reality has come into exclusive possession of some disturbingly incriminating evidence that shows what appears to be a straight-up confession by Kian over a hit and run incident two years ago.


According to Kian, he was driving back from a party in the early hours of the morning, hit a pedestrian and...drove off.

"I've lived with this for the last two years", moans killer-Kian, without a trace of regret.




This 'confession' happened a few weeks back on the WKS bus and was, unknown to Kian, caught by the bus cameras (hello you fool - this is a reality show...the cameras are rolling!) It was never broadcast and the producers believed the tape has been erased. But, dear readers, as you will have gathered by now, David Hampton is better than any hack when it comes to digging out the truth.


When Dieter, understandably, urged cold-blooded Kian to go to the police, the coward replied:
"Hit and run? they'll lock me away - five years minimum..."


Well sir, you better get used to it - BTR takes a pretty dim view of this sort of thing.

Though i'm sure now I've done the right thing the relevant authorities will be in touch...

Only happy to help.


It's nice to be nice you know - your caring friend David.

Ha. Nice idea... poor execution. 22:10

"Nine young women have been duped into appearing in internet pornography after starring in a fake Big Brother-style show."
SKY NEWS REPORT HERE>>>>>>

What a great story - so topical, so prescient, so timely... incredibly it makes Who Killed Summers? band of fame seeking cretins look intelligent.

It seems I'm not the only one keen to push the Reality show genre forward - pity I'm the only one with real intelligence pulling the strings. This bunch of Turkish scamsters don't have a clue.

No tasks, No evictions... no well nothing. Of course they got suspicious.

You're not dealing with Steven f***ing Hawking here - 9 bimbos desperate for 15 mins of fame - surely you could keep those peep cams running for a little longer, stretch it out a little, get some really juicy footage. Just give em some costumes - make them eat a few creepy crawlies... hell turn the hot water off.

The only thing these people understand is the carrot and the stick - actually no it's the stick.

That's right - they don't want to lounge around a pool all day chatting about Posh and Becks. No they want to be reality show contestants... they want to be mistreated - they EXPECT it. That's what they want.

Force feed them live bugs, lock them up, humilate them, force them to list each others faults, introduce ex-boyfriends, enemies. Suddenly they feel like real stars.

Oh the irony.

So nice idea guys, but leave it to the professionals...

and leave it to the stick.

Just say no kids 13:35

Oh dear...what a mess.

There I was just minding my own business, just tuning into the latest episode of WKS and whoah what do I see. Tete, Tete, Tete - what's happened?

Had been 100% drug-free for 3 whole years. Left all that crap behind. Ready for a new start... oops. Seems someone can't quite break the habit.

I thought it was shot beautifully - covered in full technicolour by the sympathetic producers of Who Killed Summer? They must feel like all their christmases have come at once - reality gold. Amp up the ratings, let's see a little drama. Thankyou once again DH you've saved our mess of a show.

Apparently, the word on the WKS street is that yours truly actually paid that naughty scallywag Billy to hone in on Tete, seduce her and then get her firmly back on the drugs.

What a slanderous accusation Tete.

You should be thankful that I haven't phoned my lawyer immediately to sue you for libel.

Who'd have thought interactive dramas could be so rewarding:)

DH x