Ladies man or little lady??? 19:31

Who would have thought that self-styled 'clunge-magnet', Jude Jasper, was actually more 'Judy Garland' than 'Hey Jude'???

Well, they say that those that protest too much have the most to hide, don't they? And throughout this series Jude has protested quite a bit...

So ladies, sorry to shatter your fantasies of a night spent rolling around on expensive hotel sheets with this pocket-sized pop prince, but the truth is out - Jude is Gay. He prefers the scent of a man. He likes to keep with his own...as these pictures irrefutably show:

Suddenly it all makes sense: his near melt-down at 'touching' Liam Gallagher; his heart-felt odes to the 'genius' of Kele Okereke of Bloc Party; his pedantic obsession with his clothes; and the sure giveaway - the constant 'chase me, chase me' mincing around fellow WKS contestant Dieter 'the body' Dahl (the love that dare not breathe it's name????)

But Jude - c'mon, this is 2009. You want to be in the entertainment business. Who gives a shit? No one, little man, but you. After all, it hasn't done Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Michael Stipe, Elton John, Lou Reed, Morrissey, to name but a few, any harm harm...

You'll see in time. David Hampton is just looking out for you. You'll thank me in the long run...

As always, glad to be of help. x

Golden age of cinema? 22:40

So it turns out that Lindsay 'why am i here' Lohan is set to pose as Marilyn Monroe.

For the second time.

Of course... why bother to be photographed as yourself? - I mean that's so 2008 - why not just pick a real star and play pretend. I mean that star on the Hollywood walk of fame can't be too far off. I mean she's ticking boxes, she just picked up the wrong form...

APPLICATION FOR HOLLYWOOD STAR - requirements:

1. Are you a good actor? Y/N
2. Have you made important films Y/N
3. Do you inspire others? Y/N

APPLICATION FOR FAME HUNGRY WANNABE - requirements:

1. Have you shagged Calum Best? Y/N
2. Would you flash your minge outside a club? Y/N
3. Have you starred in a Herbie movie? Y/N

Ahh, so easy to pick up the wrong piece of paper...